So sad, her eyes

Hmm that title is weird but i like it.

Yeah so sim is going out with that boy of hers...

It hurts so friggen much, i can't tell you.

It's just not fair... he gets to have her... when i want her more than he does... he doesn't even like queen and sophie reckons he sounds like an arsehole.

I wish i wasn't alone. I've never had a boyfriend, and i've never really felt like i needed one but i do now.. maybe as some sort of competition.. or maybe just to take my mind off her.

I wish i was at least interested in someone else.. but i'm not. I've resorted to fantasising about non-existent guys that look like movie stars (mmm hot guy in war of the worlds...) who are beautiful and funny and kind and the perfect boyfriend. Which is ridiculous but at least it keeps my mind away from certain things i dont want to think about.

I was sort of ok with it for a while... and then a couple of nights ago i kind of had a relapse. I just lay there dwelling on the events of the past few weeks... almost cried... which is weird, i haven't cried at all since i found out that they were actually going out, even when i found out by accident and figured that she was keeping it from me.

I never knew someone i love so much could make me hurt so bad.

And i don't think she realises just how upset i am. I wish i could tell her, but i feel bad because i'm sure she feels kinda bad too...

Every time i mention something about how im upset, she says how she always says she's sorry... but sorry doesn't do shit. Sorry doesn't stop her from being with him, and sorry doesn't stop me from having no-one, and desperately wanting someone to love me...

It's the nicest feeling in the world, knowing that someone loves you just as much as you love them...

I didn't have a problem with not being loved, i didn't really care at all... but now that it's being ripped away from me, i want it so so much.

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!
I wish i could cry my eyes out.. but for some reason, the tears just aren't coming...
And i reckon it'd make me feel better... but no such luck

God is an arsehole. Why did he let this happen? And how about Adam... i hate him with a passion, i really do. Why the fuck did he have to talk to her? Why the fuck did he have to take her away from me... I love her so much and the just the thought of her with someone else is like a whole heap of knives repeatedly plunging into my chest. And knowing that it's happening is even worse.

Broken..

It's amazing how things can change in just a few days... it's the first time i've talked to Sim in quite awhile and she's just informed me that she's met some guy... nothing's happened yet but i figure it's pretty likely... and i feel absolutely friggen awful.

Shark Attack!

So as i mentioned previously i went camping for 3 days to be exact. And it was all well and good until the afternoon of the first day. We had gone for a really nice walk along the beach and then decided to have a swim. It was me and two friends swimming only about 5 metres out when there was all this splashing behind us. At first we thought it was someone else and then we realised it must've been a shark so we ran for our lives!
We were quite freaked out, especially another friend who was watching helplessly from the shore.
And then, we had another near death experience by almost getting blown up by a gas cylinder when cooking breakfast.
Ah the fun of camping...

Loved Up

I do believe that you (meaning anyone who possibly stumbles upon this little blog of mine) can probably guess by the title that i won't be bitching about sim today. And you are very right indeed.
Maybe it has something to do with the time of month but i'm feeling very mushy towards my dear baby sim. I came back from camping yesterday and last night we had a lovely little chat. I was in even more of a mushy mood than i am now and so we had a nice little time saying nice things about each other which is my favourite talking-ness to sim of all! (haha that sentence made little sense)
So I would just like you all to take note that i love my beautiful sim to the end of the earth :) and here are a few hearts to send her way <3<3<3

Can't be arsed to think of a fancy title

Ok, so sim is making me feel like crap again... It sucks coz she doesn't do it on purpose...
Maybe i'm just a sensitive little soul who takes everything way too personally... yeah that's probably it. It sucks but i can't really help the way i am... I try to not be pissed off, i really do.
But i'll try to think of the good things and when i'm feeling pissed off i'm just not in the mood to think of the good things.
I've been waiting all day to speak to her and she was on for like 5 minutes... and i dunno maybe i'm not very good at telling people's emotions online but it didn't seem like she really cared... and now we can't talk until sunday which is bullshit!
I just think i really needed to talk to her tonight after last night which started out good and was good pretty much all the way through until just before we left.
She just had to mention some hot guy she might be seeing on Friday or something... and that was ok, she even told me he has a girlfriend... but right when i was feeling reassured and all good about she said how he always finds ways to touch her... implying that he might like her... she probably didn't mean it in that way but it seemed to me like she thought 'ok, i'll reassure her... fuck that i wanna make her feel bad again.' And then she proceeded to tell me about the fun stuff they do together at work and stuff... something i really didn't care to hear.
So then i was feeling pretty bad in bed last night. I came to the conclusion that i'm jealous, not only of those people she is friends with like this dean fella and mike, but also the fact that she has them. She seems to have heaps of friends and lots of close guy friends which i don't have coz i'm too quiet so it's kinda hard to make new friends... not that i don't have any but the only close ones i have are the ones i've been friends with for years.
Um yeah so that sucked and then her little mood thing on elftown said '13 days to mikeness' which i'm not sure what it means but if he's coming to australia or something and visits sim then i'll be extremely worried and depressed.
And then i thought she'd be online today coz she said she finished work at 1... she wasn't online at all which made me feel worse... turns out she had to work until 7 which is cool but at the time i was a bit upset.
And then i was feeling a bit better coz i made a deal with myself that if james blunt comes on the tv then i'll feel better and sure enough, a james blunt song came on about 30 seconds later so that was all good.
But now i'm back to feeling like crap.
Hopefully venting my feelings like this will make me feel better...
Sometimes i just think that maybe this thing with her isn't worth it... coz she makes me feel fantastic... but also makes me feel like shit.
I never used to have depressive periods... now i do all the time.
I just don't wanna end it because i love her so incredibly much... and she actually loves me back. And while she may hurt me a lot, it's never intentional. And i can barely go a few days without talking to her... and i may have to not talk to her for a very long time if i broke it off... and then there's the fact that she'd probably be really upset and i'd never want to hurt her... i know how upset she was when craig broke it off... and she told me (don't know if its true though) that she liked craig but LOVED me... so that might make it worse...
Basically, i just don't want to... but when i think about it, maybe it would've been better if this just didn't happen at all.

Boredom

I'm so so so bored! It' s only the third day of holidays and already i'm bored! I still have about 8 weeks to go!

Maybe this means that there'll be lots of postings in this blog to make up time...

Here's hoping.

Back again

Ok.... so i don't have school today because school is pretty much finished for the year! Woot! Ok... so i was feeling pretty pissed off about sim before... but not anymore. I love her. She's great.

Over and out.

Little rant

Ok, so i'm back again...
I feel pretty proud of myself because I'm usually rather slack with this sort of thing. But i actually have stuff i want to write about so that might help...

Ok, so back to Sim. The thing is, she's kinda also likes this pen pal friend of hers who lives in England, mike... and she used to have this thing going on over the internet with this guy, craig. Now craig got back together with his ex so now i don't have to worry about him luckily... but i feel a little jealous of mike... i've told her how i feel and she's told me not to worry because she loves all three of us in different ways. I understand that, and i try not to feel jealous of her relationship with mike because they've been friends for 2 years and i've only been friends with sim for a few months so i don't really have any right... and it's weird but whenever i feel a bit jealous i try to think of all the good stuff she's said about me, like being her best friend and stuff... but it doesn't really work.
The thing is, i don't think she realises how much it hurts when i see stuff about her and mike... it's kinda like when you really like someone but you see them with someone else... god that's painful. So it's kinda like that but not quite as bad because at least i know she likes me...